No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
