Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
