I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
