so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
