Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize