i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
