I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
