i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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