it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
