so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
