i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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