Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
