sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
