Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
