I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
