Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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