I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He passed out mid-signature
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
