I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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