I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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