I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
