I hope mine doesn't look like that
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Randomize
