i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
