I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize