you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
my being single is dangerous.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
