Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
