I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
