I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
