I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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