Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
