oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
