So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
