I seem to have left my pride at pride
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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