Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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