Old men and throwing up are my life now.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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