The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
