You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
