Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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