A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Randomize
