I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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