Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
