apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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