I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
