four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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