i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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