doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
