sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize