Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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