I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
How external is "for external use only"?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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