How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I could make wine with my vomit
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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