how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
