pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
