Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
