I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
