please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
