your room smells of hookers.
And success
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
