i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
