she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
