So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
