Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
