apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
