when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize