we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize