My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
