i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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