All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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