yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
