This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
