somebody snuck up and got me drunk
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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