He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
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